Making Progress

Ok, yes, this a semi-rant.  I'm in the middle of watching old episodes of Sabrina the Teenage Witch (with Melissa Joan Hart) and I'm waiting for the video to load, lamenting the fact that my new hookah hose hasn't arrived in the mail yet, and denying the fact that I have to go to work in an hour.

I've been thinking about this for a while now.  On the journey to acceptance of myself, I need to periodically examine why I do certain things when I know that every time I do these things, they don't turn out well for me.

Right now, I'm at a job where I'm not being promoted because I'm too good at the current job I'm doing.  It's really unfair.  To give myself credit, I've just applied to different places this week, so I'm making progress :)  I work on my university's campus and I applied to work at the library.  My current job involves calling alumni for money for the university - I'm really good at it, I even have my name on a plaque, but I've been passed up for supervisor three times now.

I've made a promise to myself.  School is about to start, and they have 3 new openings for supervisor because 3 people are leaving.  I've lined up this other job at the library, and if I don't get promoted for this time, I won't be staying around and wasting my time at this job.  I'll take the job at the library, and the Call Center can lose all of the revenue I bring in for the university, AND the experience that I have.

I've talked to my bosses about it before, and I got a straight answer from one of them at least.  He said that as soon as they can get people to bridge the gap of revenue from the money they raised before I started working and the revenue that I bring in by calling, I'll be moved up to a higher position.  I got so angry when he told me that.  IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT THE OTHERS DON'T BRING IN AS MUCH AS I DO.  I shouldn't be punished for others not doing their job as well as my bosses want them to.  It's not fair.

I'm so done with this job.  ugh.  BUT like I said, if I'm not promoted this time - they announce promotions before the start of the semester at a back to school party/ceremony - then I'm going to go work at the library.  It doesn't pay as much starting, but there are mandatory raises that go by how well you perform - which is what I was told would happen at the Call Center, but OBVIOUSLY that's not how it works.  I can also do homework while I'm at the library, which is good for me.

One of the things that bothers me about leaving is that I don't want to leave because I really have made good connections with some of the people I work with.  That is what I'm talking about when I talk about acceptance.  I think that the old me would've stayed in this dead end job, not being promoted, so that I could still hang out with the people I've made a connection with.

I'm not sure if there even IS a new me or anything, but I know for sure that no matter what, I deserve more respect than what I'm getting right now, and I'm not going to stay around at this job waiting for my bosses to give it to me, when I know they're never going to.  At the end of the summer, at the welcome back party, if they don't promote me, I'm quitting this job and I'm going to work at the library.  This is a promise I've made to myself because I deserve better than what I'm getting at this job right now, and I know it for a fact.

Yay for confidence in myself and believing that I deserve better!  I think I'm making progress :)

Hypoglycemia

Ok, so I have had hypoglycemia for a while now.  I was diagnosed when I was in high school and I've been dealing with it ever since.

If you've read my blog, you know that I've got a tentative surgery date to revise from lap band to Roux en Y on 4 Aug (yayyyyy 2 weeks!) and I'm really excited, but I've got a few worries about it as well.

I've read around about gastric bypass, and I'm a little worried because there are some people who develop reactive hypoglycemia after their surgery.  Should I be worried?  I mean I check my blood glucose regularly and I've been able to keep it under control with changing certain things about my diet and the things I eat, but I don't know what will happen with the RnY.

With the lap band, my hypoglycemia got a lot worse at first because I started not being able to eat many things on random days - which is also why I'm getting a revision.  I can't get all the nutrition in that I need to because on some days, the lap band doesn't let me get anything down, no matter how much I've had it adjusted over the past year and a half.  This is also why I've had to try to change what I'm doing - many times to no avail - in order to keep my hypoglycemia in check.

One of the other things I've heard from some of the forums I've been on say that even though the lap band may not have allowed me to eat certain things at all, the VSG or RnY WILL allow me to eat what I need to, so maybe I won't have to worry about the hypoglycemia getting worse?  I don't know.

If anyone has any suggestions or advice, definitely tell me, but as usual, I'll keep you updated!

New Updating Software

Ok, so I just downloaded a new software on my mac for updating my blogs.  It's called Qumana.

Aside from telling you guys about this software, this post is actually also a test post to see if it works!  :)

Two birds with one stone.

Tags: qumana, updating, mac, osx, blog

Powered by Qumana

Roux en Y SURGERY DATE!!

Yayyy! I don't know if you guys have been following my ordeal with my rude surgeon, but I'm completely DONE with working with him, and I have a new surgeon!

He is SO awesome!  I just got my EGD and psych eval today and I have a tentative surgery date scheduled for 4 Aug!!!  He wants to do the Roux en Y Gastric Bypass, and after having everything explained to me by him, I'm all for it as well!  I'm so ready!

The lady in the office just has to fax over paperwork to my insurance (Blue Cross Blue Shield Federal) and I'm good to go!  From what I've heard, the BCBS Federal program is a lot more accomadating than the regular BCBS.  Also, when I got my lapband in the first place, they approved me in about 24 hours, so I'm not really worried.  MAYBE I'll even get to have my surgery earlier than that!  That would be awesome, but if not, 4 Aug is really good for me as well.  :)

I'll keep you guys updated as usual :)

Water

I've been thinking. I need to drink more water.


64oz per day, right?

Let's get to it!

My new surgeon!

He is AMAZING, I tell you! The whole appointment went really smoothly, and I trust him completely! Everything is getting done really quickly and I'm pretty sure I'll get my surgery before school starts! He wants to revise me to gastric bypass, and I'm ok with that. He explained that it just doesn't seem smart to go from one experimental surgery (lap band) to another (sleeve or VSG) and I agree. The sleeve may work for many people, but I want this whole thing to be over and done with and I don't want to have to worry about this anymore, so if RnY is right for me, then RnY it is!

I'm SO ready.

I've been thinking.

So, I was really beginning to think about things I was eating with the lap band, so that when I have my revision to sleeve or gastric bypass I could really change some things. Here are some of the reasons why I don't think the band worked for me:

1. My surgeon's nutritionist didn't give me an outline of what I was supposed to eat. Like, at all, during the whole time I've gone through this process. At the beginning, he gave me vague ideas about what to eat during my liquids and mushies phase, and I kind of understand that because liquids are pretty self explanatory. As for mushies, he never told me what was considered mushy and what things were off limits. He told me that I needed to figure out what I could eat by testing them and seeing if my band would let me have them.

...........does that seem backwards to anyone else?? You're supposed to NOT push the band; at that point it doesn' t become a tool for weight loss, it becomes a game of whether you can eat this or that and how much you can get away with.

When I was able to eat real foods again, he did the same things and told me to see what I could eat by pushing the band and seeing what I could withstand. He also never told me any foods to stay away from. I know that staying away from fatty foods was a good policy, but never once did he give me even a plan of action about what to eat. I mean I know this is my journey and I have to figure things out for myself, but aren't nutritionists supposed to guide you through? With WLS, aren't they supposed to try to give you meal plans or ideas for meal plans? I never got any of that.

2. From the beginning, when I didn't lose a lot for my first weigh in, I could feel that my nutritionist didn't think I was going to do well. He thought that I had slacked in losing weight. It was my FIRST weigh in! How do you slack right after surgery when you really cannot eat anything and you cannot exercise? His non faith in me just carried over into my feelings about myself and I didn't think I'd do well from the beginning.

3. After I stopped losing weight after the 3rd month or so, my nutritionist still didn't give me any meal plan ideas, he just told me that I needed to keep my protein intake at around 70-80 grams per day. But never any ideas about what to get protein from.


I'm hoping that this new doctor will give me the tools I need to succeed and not just leave me hanging after getting my money from surgery.